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January 9th, 2006


09:02 pm - quickly, sum up:

weekend with stomach virus... sucks. biology... sucks. still not feeling well... sucks. crazy parent... sucks. wanting to be honest, yet feeling like i cant stop lying... sucks. confused about time management and my own priorities... sucks. going to school... sucks. (well, what i went to.) inconsiderate biased assholes, i mean, pensacola news journal... sucks!  people who mean a lot to me and seem as if they arent really being the friends they used to be... sucks, big time. you know, me complaining sucks. (gonna quit.) it would appear that im in a bad mood right now. quite possible. i feel really... not good.

its funny how one thing in my life seems to make me forget any ounce of unhappiness i have.   thank you so much for being you.


Current Mood: sickewww
Current Music: phoooooone

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December 19th, 2005


05:37 pm - this made me want to cry....

This is the issue.   - Homophobia -


I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a
lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire
a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight
through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried
our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the
hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the
room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken
away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish
they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the
attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will
probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed
myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to
bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found
out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who
never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the
management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit
the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother
because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence
survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they
found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence
survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the
father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection
to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach
gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the woman who
died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was
transsexual. (yes, this actually happened)

I am the person who
feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didnt have to
always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending
church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my
kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most,
love.

I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends im a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.

I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson"

Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong


Current Mood: numbhmm
Current Music: La Vie Boheme - RENT

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December 15th, 2005


10:56 pm

 

so i open up internet explorer... as opposed to a french or spanish book.... thinking "gee, i havent read live journals in awhile," and i am overcome with the urge to update. and all i can think of is you......like the past 2 months, 14 days and 23 hours..... i cant get you off my mind. i cant even think of anything else. i actually care about french and spanish... i want to study and make good grades on these exams... but i can not stop thinking about you.... so i think to myself, update about exactly that. just do it. but im at a loss for words, because nothing seems to be good enough. i hope you know that everytime you are near me, everytime i see you, i   k n o w   you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. it just feels so right. i love you. 

i feel like the luckiest person in the world.


Current Mood: impressedjust... perfect
Current Music: just thinking

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December 13th, 2005


08:35 pm - update once again.

 

A- Age of your first kiss:  14
B- Band you are listening to right now:  all-american rejects
C- Crush: Why state the obvious?
D- Dad's name: Daniel Richard Schmitz
E- Easiest person to talk to:  TAMMY... i find it easy to talk to most of my friends. maybe i just talk a lot. hmm.
F- Favorite ice cream: Strawberrrry
G- Gummy worms or gummy bears?: ooh now that is tough.... bears.
H- Hometown: Pensacola, FL
I- Instruments: Clarinet
J- Junior high: St. Michael Catholic School
K- Kids: yes. later though.
L- Longest car ride: atlanta to ontario
M- Mom's name: Cathy Louise Schmitz
N- Nicknames: Sarcastic Bitch..... smart ass....
O- One wish:   that Tammy would be here, right now.
P- Phobia:  BUGS. i hate bugs.
Q- Quotation: "dont let big dreams be burned by little flames"
R- Reason to smile:  TAMMY
S- Song you sang last:  little drummer boy. dont ask  lol
T- Time you woke up today: 5:24
U- Unknown fact ABOUT ME: hmm.... i love tammy. a lot. unknown? maybe not...
V- Vegetable: cucumber
W- Worst habit:  complaining a lot. being mean (tammy said that.... thaaaanks)
X- X-rays you've had:  umm fingers... i broke 2... and teeth/jaw duh... and chest/lungs.
Y- Your favorite color:  orange
Z- Zodiac sign:  Virgo. the virgin.


Current Mood: sicksick and miserable
Current Music: *on the phone*

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November 27th, 2005


08:46 pm - me... updating? yep...

 

i had the most awesome break, it was soooo much fun!!!   

lets see.... wednesday night, after soccer practice, we saw RENT... it was really good, i liked it a lot!... then thursday, thanksgiving at 2pm with my family was really great, i really enjoyed seeing them all together and spending time with my cousins. thennn i went to the movies with emily that night, we saw jarhead.... my most favorite person everrr came and watched the end of the movie with us when she got off work... got to coolest person ever's house at 1:30am...went to sleep around 4am... thennn friday...umm...went home for a little bit... soccer game that night (we WON!  scorrrrre)  then back to my love's for coke and gilmore girls and a shower.... then saturday = early soccer game (won again! yay) annnd then i went with tammy and her parents' to a friend-of-their's house in the middle of nowhere to keep tammy company... had a really nice paddle boat ride with her... i just love talking with her, we had a nice converstaion out there on Lake Middle-of-nowhere.  then umm emily called and tammy drove me over to her house and em took me to go get some taco bell... tammy went to go see michelle for a little while... at least she said it went well. then me and em went and picked up her woman tierra... hahaha... and then we decided to go to aprils attic and tammy met us there and me, em and tammy got our right cartilage pierced... woohoo!  umm  then i stayed at the sweetest girl in the world's house... and got up early today to go home and she went to work. and then i hung out with mom.... umeventful, but maybe it made her happy. and then i did my french fairy tale thing... and here i am now, on the phone, updating. and now that ive finished that, i might just go do some hw. mayyybe. i hope everyone had a nice break!!! 

 


Current Mood: pensivelonely, lonely, and.... lonely
Current Music: Gone - Ben Folds... i loooove this song!

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November 15th, 2005


12:09 am - wow

 

though today is a day id rather forget (but know i never will).... and is just set up to be sucky.... i had a good day. thanks to a lot of people i guess. but mainly due to one person, who seems to take my mind off all bad things all the time and simply brighten my life. i just want to thank you.   i love you. :o)

by the way:  varsity girls soccer OWNED woodham 8-0!!!!   good job everyone ;o)

good thing i have asvab tomorrow and will miss 1-4 period..... score! and i get to stay out tomorrow night.... yessssss!!!  im so excited!


Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: Dancin' in the moonlight - Toploader

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November 13th, 2005


10:14 pm - this weekend rocked my socks!!!

tallahassee was sooooo much fun!!!  i am SOOO glad that i decided to be team manager!  the entire soccer team is awesome, i had so much fun with you guys. i got to know a lot of people better, and thats always fun. especially people like my fave freshmen: leigh and BISCUIT!  ;o)  you guys are too cool.  i had such a great weekend. oh, tropical smoothie cafe definitely rocked. and that candy store... chocolate covered gummi bears, haha.

so i used another one of my "being 18"-privileges..... lottery ticket!!!  and a scratch off... we won $10!!! scorrrre ;o)   wait till we win 9 million....

so, soccer games monday tuesday wednesday... looking forward to that. me and the water cooler spending quality time together *sigh*    oh yeah, im playing JV basketball!!!  haha  this is gonna be funnnn

did i mention the weekend was just great? i got a cool necklace (and i really like the two you got, btw)   lunch was really good today... at friday's with tammy's family.... the waitress put in the worng order for me though.... and apologized like crazy... and brought me vanilla bean cheescake!! i was excited. but then i accidentally left in in tammy's fridge. how depressing. reallly wanted my cheesecake.

you know, im going to be overly-generalized here, but for my own purposes, im going to say this stuff anyway....  it kills me that people can be soooo selfish. acting hurt, as if certain people are soo inconsiderate, yet theyre hiding things that are definitely worse.... if you cant be honest with the people you "care" about, what is the point?  it hurts me so much when things like that happen, and they dont even directly have anything to do with me. it hurts me because i know it hurts you. and i want more than anything in the world for you to be happy. i love your smile.

so im going to bed. after such a great weekend, i dont know how this week will size up. guess we'll see. but that history test tomorrow just might kick my no-studying ass. but i dont care too much, im still just ecstatic because of this weekend, and today.

 


Current Mood: ecstaticgreat!
Current Music: Gone - Ben Folds

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November 7th, 2005


12:25 am - what a good weekend!

 

so this lovely friend of mine had an after-the-fact-birthday-party finally... and it was lots of fun!! :o) 

i wasnt home all weekend, which was a definite plus looking back on it, for many reasons, but one of those being the simple fact that i didnt have to deal with mom finding something to get mad at me about. i like walked in the door today and that was obviously bad. dont get it, but okay.

so im officially the girls soccer manager now!!! :oD   yay, very excited about that!!

im going to sleep now... i think i wanted to type more, but i dont really remember anymore... goodnight!!

 


Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: Vindicated - Dashboard Confessional

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November 2nd, 2005


11:30 pm - hmm...
hug from behind
hug from behind - you like to feel what the other
person is feeling and see things how they see
them. you tend to be serious and emotional.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: ben folds

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07:52 pm - nov. 1 = oct. 1 + 1 month.

 

yesterday was the most    A M A Z I N G    day...

i love you. so much.

 


Current Mood: lovedloved
Current Music: ben folds - the luckiest

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